All That Jaz
by Arcane-Boomeus
Summary: How will this strange girl and her strange Gallade change his life? I'm guessing in the most ridiculous and hilarious way possible. * Hint hint *   Also prepare for random romantic pairings, this is Rated M because I don't trust myself to write a 'T' one.
1. A Good Start

**Disclaimer: I don't own Pokémon, Nintendo, Game Freak, or The Pokémon Company. I do own my characters and their personalities.**

Chapter 1: A Good Start

I stood in the lobby of the Pokémon Center, waiting for Riolu and Glaceon's checkups to be over. I looked down at my bandolier, and smiled at Chimchar's ball. _"She'll be evolving soon… Hopefully Riolu will follow suit, and get rid of that damn Everstone."_

A girl walked by and bumped into me. "Sorry!"

I chuckled "It's fine. I'm not Vin Diesel, but you've gotta give me some credit here. I'm not made of glass."

She rolled her eyes and said "Whatever." She stormed off.

I shrugged, thinking nothing of it- with my long-ish black hair; dark eyes; and pale skin, people seem a little estranged. Especially women. Lucky me…

A guy with spiky black hair and a baseball cap walked up to me. "Is that girl your girlfriend?" He pointed, and I followed his gaze to a half Froslass girl who was being relentlessly hit on by a tall Asian guy with brown spiky hair.

I had to admit; she was beautiful, and seemed to notice that I was looking at her. She smiled at me, and the guy said "I'm Ash, by the way. And If she's not your girlfriend, she sure seems like she'd like to be."

A girl with long dark blue hair smiled and stood beside him. She giggled "I think he'd like to be her boyfriend." She smiled and outstretched her hand, which I shook. "I'm Dawn, by the way."

I nodded "Nice to meet you, Ash and Dawn." I gestured to the girl. "But she's not my girlfriend, I've never even seen her before."

I must have been blushing, because Dawn said "Yeah, you definitely like her. Just look at her. At her features, her expressions. Not her body, just her face."

I shrugged and looked at the girl. She was pale, with long black-and-blue striped hair, with a stray lock covering her left eye-she'd blow it occasionally, trying to move it, but it's come back every time; she seemed annoyed by it, but I kind of liked it. She noticed me looking at her again, and a faint smile crossed her lips as we locked eyes.

Her eyes struck me as different, for some reason. As I gazed into them, I realized that her left eye was blue, while the right was a slightly lighter shade- but that's not what caught my eye either. Her right eye had a faint 'star' pattern in the back. Dawn giggled and Ash said "You've been looking into each other's eyes for like five minutes now."

I managed to tear my gaze away from the girl and look at him. "What was that?"

"I said you two were looking into each other's eyes for like five minutes."

"You're kidding."

Dawn giggled and said "Nope. _You're_ _in love_, mister."

Ash chuckled "And she's coming over here."

I turned back towards the girl again, and she was, indeed, walking towards me. I was frozen. She giggled. "Hey there, handsome."

"I… Uhm… Err… Beautiful day, isn't it?"

She giggled quietly. "Yeah, it is."

I smiled and said "I like your hair."

She blushed. "Really? Most people say it makes me look like an 'emo slut'…"

I was getting more comfortable around her every time I spoke. I chuckled and raised an eyebrow, then asked "Are you an emo slut?"

She frowned slightly. "No."

"Then don't worry about it. You're _really_ beautiful, and they're probably just jealous."

She smiled and skeptically asked "And you're not?"

"I know to _flirt_ with the pretty girl, and not be a jealous douche. I hear pretty girls like that, mind confirming it for me?" She blushed and pecked me on the lips, and I said "Whoa there, beautiful. I know I'm ridiculously sexy and all, but I don't even know your name. Yet…"

She smiled and, in the most sultry voice I'd ever heard, said "Well Mr. Emo, what if I promise to moan it?"

Now, most people would have been either extremely turned on and had meaningless sex with the girl, but I just said "I'm not emo. I just like my hair longer and most of the funny shirts are black."

She seemed shocked. "You _like_ your hair like that?"

"Yeah. I haven't had to wear sunglasses in ages."

She laughed and said "You've officially impressed me. My name's Jasmine, but you, cutie, can call me Jaz"

I grinned "Well, Jaz, you can call me anything you want, but I prefer Brett."

She smiled "Poor baby. At least you're not named after Ben Roethlisberger. He's a rapist"

I noticed that she was pressed up against me tightly, and said "Jaz… I like you and all, but you're rubbing your MHM on my MNHMN…"

She blushed and said "Buzz Lightyear!"

"What?"

"It's more subtle than 'Woody'. Hater."

I laughed and said "Jaz, I think I'm in love."

Jaz smiled and Nurse Joy shouted "Your Riolu and Glaceon are all done with their checkups!"

I smiled at Jaz and said "Five seconds. Four. Three. Two. One-"

Riolu flew into me and shouted "Ri Riolu Lu!" He quickly scaled my body and settled onto my shoulder, then looked at Jaz. "Riolu? Riolu Ri olu lu?"

"Try and speak English like you've been practicing."

Riolu snickered and asked "Why? So you can show off to your girlfriend?"

I chuckled "Pretty much."

Jaz blushed and said "He's cute… You're an Ice-type lover, aren't you?"

I smiled. "Yes, my beautiful Froslass. Lorelei and Candice are both my aunts, and Price was something of a mentor to me."

"Why do you have a Riolu, then?"

I chuckled at Riolu's offended look, and said "Maylene and Candice are lovers, and Candice is my favorite relative. They gave him to me when I was nine."

Jaz smiled and scratched Riolu's head. Ash and Dawn, as well as the tall Asian guy, walked over to me. Ash handed me the two balls, which I slotted into my bandolier. Dawn giggled and scratched Glaceon between her ears. The Asian guy scratched the back of his head and said "I'm Brock… Sorry about hitting on your girlfriend."

I was about to correct him, when Jaz said "It's okay. Honestly, I found it amusing when your Croagunk punched you and dragged you away."

Brock rubbed his stomach and said "Happens more than you'd believe…" He smiled at Riolu and said "Your Riolu knows Blaze Kick, correct?"

I turned to Riolu and asked "Do you?"

Riolu nodded and said "Riolu! Ri ri olu lu!"

I chuckled and said "He says he knows Fire Punch too."

Brock laughed and asked "Did you know that Riolu can be taught to speak English?"

Riolu smiled and said "Really now? That'd be pretty cool. I wish I could speak…"

Jaz laughed and Dawn said "Brock, you just can't win, can you?"

Ash put a hand on his friend's shoulder and said "I'm sure that there are some girls crazy enough to have liked you! In fact, I know there were at least two."

Jaz smiled as a Pikachu ran and jumped onto Ash's shoulder. "Hey there little guy. How's it going?"

"Pika pi pika chu!"

Jaz raised an eyebrow. "Oh really now? Tell me more about this girl" Everyone but Riolu, Glaceon, and Brock walked off, discussing something.

Brock smiled at my Glaceon and said "She's strong. Was she your first Pokémon?"

"No, I found her, injured outside of Snowpoint. I took her to Nurse Joy, and Glaceon decided to join us."

"Interesting… And you're aware that Jasmine is half Froslass?"

I frowned "How couldn't I be?"

He chuckled "There are some pretty ignorant people out there."

"You're Candice's nephew, right?"

"Yup."

"So Maylene gave you Riolu, then?"

Riolu pumped down from my shoulder and started chasing Glaceon, and I said "Once again, yes."

"Why hasn't he evolved yet?"

"He's got an Everstone. Maylene told him to wear it until he felt ready to evolve."

"Most would have taken it off immediately."

"The problem is, he accidentally glued it to himself."

Brock chuckled "Where is it?"

"It's in the center of his chest."

"And you've not tried to remove it yet?"

"He doesn't feel ready to evolve yet."

Brock laughed and Jaz returned. "Brock, Ash and Dawn got room 3E."

Brock nodded "Thanks." He walked off.

**(((())))(((())))(((())))(((())))**

Jaz smiled at Riolu and Glaceon, then asked "What do we do now?"

I frowned "What do you mean?"

She shrugged "Well, we're both on journeys."

"We could travel together."

She raised an eyebrow and asked "Are you taking the league challenge?"

"Yeah. You?"

"I'm half Froslass."

"So, that's a yes?"

"Duh." She smiled and released a Gallade. "Brett, this is Gene. Gene, Brett."

I smiled and shook his hand. "Nice to meet you."

Gene smiled and said "Nice to meet you as well… You two wish to mate, correct?"

Jaz and I both blushed, and I asked "Why'd you name him Gene?"

"Gene Simmons, who else?"

Gene facepalmed and turned his attention to Riolu. "Hello, little Riolu."

Riolu seemed pretty amazed. "Ri Riolu lu olu ri ri olu lu Riolu!"

Gene chuckled and Jaz asked "Gene, would you do the honors?"

I frowned. "What honors? What are you talking about? I'm scared…"

Gene chuckled and said "She speaks of breaking in your mind, making you receptive to telepathy and such." He placed a palm on my forehead. "Oh."

Jaz frowned and asked "What? Gene, what'd you do?"

Gene chuckled and said "He's already receptive."

Jaz smiled evilly. "That's interesting." Riolu jumped onto Jaz's shoulder, then whispered something into her ear.

**(((())))(((())))(((())))(((())))**

I was still confused. But I just pushed that aside as we sat on the beds in the room at the Pokémon Center. "Jaz, how many badges do you have?" She smiled and handed me her badge case. "You've got four to my five…"

Jaz smiled and said "But you've not battled Gardenia yet. I battled her yesterday."

"I guess I'll battle her tomorrow…" I looked at her badges and said "After I beat Gardenia, we can either go east or west. If we go west, you can battle Roark and Byron. If we go east, I can battle Volkner and Fantina, and we both can battle Wake."

She shrugged and said "I'd like to go west first, Gene has an advantage over both of the gyms."

"Alright…" I yawned, and said "I think I'll go to bed now…"

**(((())))(((())))(((())))(((())))**

I yawned and opened my eyes lazily, stretching my arms and legs while lying there. I heard a high-pitched yelp, and saw a half Froslass girl curled up beside me. I was confused for a moment, until I realized that it was Jaz, and she had moved over to my bed sometime during the night.

Gene released himself from his ball and said "She woke up in the middle of the night, saying something about a bad dream. Since you're her new boyfriend, I figured that fell under your jurisdiction."

I nodded and ran a hand through her hair. "Thanks for the heads-up." He nodded and returned himself. I smiled at Jaz and said "Wake up, beautiful."

"Mmph."

"Wakey wakey"

"Huh?... What's going on?" She opened her eyes and looked at me, her gaze unfocused.

I smiled at her. "Gene said you were having nightmares."

She blushed as she realized that we were in the same bed, and asked "Did we?..."

I chuckled "If we did, I don't remember it."

"How do you not know?"

"It's been a long time for me."

"A long time as in never?"

"Haters gonna hate"

She kissed me on the cheek. "I'm not hating. I'm quite happy that I'm not the only virgin on God's green earth."

"Yeah, I hear a lot of fish are virgins."

"What?"

"You completely left out like 75 percent of the earth."

She facepalmed. "Fail."

"Said the one who had to sleep with me because she had nightmares."

"How is that related?"

"It's not."

She laughed and said "I think _I'M_ in love."

"OH MY GOD!"

She blushed "What? You said you loved me first. And we'd only known each other for a little while."

"_No_. It's almost Christmas."

She gasped "OH MY GOD!"

I chuckled and said "We need to Christmas shopping."

"Gene wants a Focus Sash."

"Yeah… Riolu asked for an Expert Belt, Chimchar wanted some of that special charcoal, and Glaceon wanted… Um…"

Jaz smiled evilly. "Lemme guess. A chainsaw. A rubber chicken. An Ak-47. A Harley…"

"That's it!"

She frowned. "A Harley?"

I laughed. "No, she wants…"

Jaz smiled "Just figure it out when we're at the mall."

I groaned. "My least favorite part…"

Jaz giggled. "I forgot. All men hate shopping."

I chuckled and said "Knowing Glaceon, she probably wants an ice cube tray…"

**(((())))(((())))(((())))(((())))**

Glaceon purred from my left shoulder, and on my right, Riolu said "She wanted a collar of Nevermeltice, remember?"

I facepalmed. "Of course! Sorry girl." I petted her.

"Glaceon glace eon glace eon Glaceon."

Jaz giggled "Tell me about it. He hasn't even tried to kiss me yet."

I raised an eyebrow. "What are you two talking about? You plottin' on me?"

Gene and Riolu laughed, and Gene asked "Why don't you let Chimchar out?"

"She's in trouble. She set a Pokémon Center on fire, a week ago. I'll let her out later tonight."

Gene chuckled. "Sounds like a fun gal."

Riolu jumped from my shoulder to his, and whispered something in his ear. Gene blushed. I grinned. "Gene, why are you blushing?"

He pointed to a pretty Mawile girl, who was smiling at him. She tugged on a guy's shirt- I assumed he was her trainer- and he nodded, smiling. She started walking, her eyes focused on Gene. I chuckled. "Gene, she's pretty AND into you! Knuckle touch!"

We knuckle touched. Riolu jumped back to me and said "I'm just that good."

I swallowed. "What did you do?"

"I pointed her out, duh."

"Oh… You're usually more evil than that." He shrugged, and then pointed at Jaz and winked. "You're a devious little-"

Jaz whipped around and slapped me. "DON'T SWEAR LIKE THAT! THERE ARE KIDS HERE!"

I rubbed my cheek. "Ow… I was gonna say 'thing'. You've already started abusing me."

She blushed. "Sorry."

A distinctly feminine voice spoke. "Hey handsome."

Jaz and I smiled, and I muttered "C'mon bro… Put the moves on her… C'mon…"

Gene chuckled. "He-llo beaut-iful."

The Mawile giggled. "I'm Myra."

"Like the shrub?"

She giggled. "Exactly… I'm impressed."

He chuckled "I'm psychic."

"Oh, I see how it is."

I smiled at Jaz and Riolu said "I'm just awesome like that."

Jaz smiled and scratched him under his chin. "Gene, we're gonna go and get… Stuff. We'll meet up with you later."

He turned and, with a wink, said "Alright, see you guys later."

Jaz smiled and hugged Glaceon closer to her. "I'm so proud."

I chuckled, and Riolu said "It's okay, I'm a babe-magnet."

Jaz scratched between Riolu's ears. "You weren't with _him_ when _I _saw him."

He shrugged. "But you're not affected by moved I know. I didn't use Foresight, so I wouldn't have been able to woo you."

She laughed, and Glaceon mewled "Glaceon, glace eon on glace."

Riolu frowned. "Ri Riolu. Olu Riolu ri!"

Jaz giggled and hugged me. "They're joking. I don't need another bone." She blushed and looked down.

"Inappropriate content! Riolu, shield your eyes!"

"Why? I don't understand…" Jaz giggled and covered his eyes, then kissed me. "AH! What's going on?"

She pulled away, and I said "Nothing. You missed absolutely nothing." Jaz looked offended, and I said "Sweetie, you're squeezing Glaceon."

Jaz was bright red as she released her hold on the ice-type, and said "Sorry girl"

"Eon glace Glaceon!"

She winced. "I said I was sorry."

I scooped up Glaceon. "Don't be mean, she was excited by my amazingness."

Jaz raised an eyebrow. "What got _you_ so excited?"

"My beautiful girlfriend."

She smiled. "You make me blush."

Riolu frowned. "What's going on?"

I smiled. "What's going on is that I've hit it off with a pretty girl. So be quiet."

He nodded his understanding, and Jaz facepalmed. Glaceon purred from my shoulder. "Glace eon Glaceon."

Riolu scoffed. "She's just jealous because I have arms… And she thinks I'm sexy."

Jaz laughed. "And the plot thickens."

I facepalmed, and said "Sometimes, I'm glad you can't yet evolve."

Riolu jumped down from my shoulder and glared at me. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Jaz was laughing so hard she didn't seem to be able to breathe. I frowned and returned Glaceon and Riolu to their balls. "Stop laughing, it's not funny."

"You are a liar!"

"What?"

"This is _HILARIOUS_"

"Damn. I can't return my girlfriend to a ball..."

"Not funny."

I facepalmed. "I forgot. Bitches be crazy."

She kissed me. "Am I crazy now?"

I laughed "Even crazier, sweetheart."

"UGH!" She pouted, then kissed me again. "Okay, maybe I am crazy…"

I chuckled. "No, I'm just a sexy beast."

We locked eyes, and once again I found myself enthralled. She giggled and said "I can't tell whether your eyes are brown with black streaks, or black with brown streaks."

"Yes." She giggled and blushed, but I barely saw the latter, as if it was peripheral vision, even though it wasn't…

"Um… Brett?"

"Yes?"

"You're still looking at my eyes…"

"Cause they're pretty…"

"You're freaking me out."

"You're captivating me."

"Stop complimenting me!"

"Fine… You hold the key to my heart."

"What?"

I chuckled. "Please unlock it."

She facepalmed, blocking her eyes. My trance was broken, and she said "Thank you. It was like you were staring at my soul."

"Maybe I was… Your right soul has a star pattern."

She laughed and said "You're just too sweet for your own good. You haven't even tried to get into my pants yet."

"You have legs?" She looked shocked. "I was kidding. I _definitely_ noticed your legs."

She sighed. "Let's go and shop till we drop!"

**(((())))(((())))(((())))(((())))**

I groaned and sat down on the bench. Jaz giggled and leaned against me. "Did I wear you out?"

I chuckled "Somehow, yes."

"Hmm. Gene just said he wanted to battle you."

"Why should me being tired affect that?"

"No, with _you_."

"That's unfair. He's got _swords_ on his arms."

"You're forgetting psychic powers."

"No, I wasn't. I've had enough experience with handling psychics, thanks to auntie Maylene."

She giggled. "_Auntie_ Maylene?"

I looked her in the eye. "Haven't you met her? She asked me to call her that. I'm too afraid of what she'd do if I hurt her feelings…"

She laughed. "I did meet her. She's a nice lady. Should I tell him you don't want-"

I chuckled. "I never said that. When and where?"

She raised an eyebrow. "If you don't want to, it won't sway me either way."

I chuckled. "Actually, I'm sure you're gonna be impressed when I win."

"He's a Gallade."

"And Maylene's my aunt."

"He said… Now."

"Alright… But why did he randomly decide to fight me?"

"He says that that Mawile girl-Mira- has a trainer, and he wants her to have a strong mate, who can protect her from… Stuff. If he can prove himself, then her trainer will let her come with us… Do you wanna catch her, or will I? I think I might, just because… If we break up, ya know?"

I smiled and looked her in the eyes. "Honestly, I don't care which of us takes her. And I doubt we'll break up…"

She smiled and said "He wants to battle outside of the Pokémon Center."

I chuckled. "So if I hurt him, he can get help immediately. Good thinking. Let's go, then."

**(((())))(((())))(((())))(((())))**

I smiled at Gene, and said "Sorry buddy. I'm not going easy on you. You've gotta _earn _your girlfriend."

Mira's trainer walked over to me and shook my hand. "I know you're Maylene's nephew, and you spent a lot of time with her and Candice. So you'll at least hold your own."

I smiled at him. "You're gonna let her come whether he wins or not, aren't you?"

He chuckled "Of course. But it'd be no fun if I just let her go… Besides, I hear you're quite the scrapper."

I shrugged. "I know how to defend myself."

Gene shouted at me. "C'mon, I'll make it quick!"

I laughed "Bing it on!" I turned to face him, then bowed. "Sorry about this, in advance."

He chuckled. "I won't used any moves, or my swords."

"Unnecessary, but thanks. Your move." He sprinted at me, trying to tackle to me. I smiled and sidestepped, quickly sweeping his leg and knocking him over. He stood and brushed himself off, then tried the same thing again.

"Slippery bastard…" He grunted and grappled with me, but I hooked his leg and flipped him over my hip, then followed him to the ground. He rolled over so he was on top of me, and I monkey-flipped him, then rolled backwards so I was on top of him again. I shoved my knee into his armpit, hitting two pressure points with one move and making him yelp in pain.

"Give up buddy, I could kick your ass. I'm sure he'll understand, actually, he's releasing Mira now." I spoke the truth. He smiled and psychically tossed me over to Jaz, who helped me up.

She smiled at me happily "My hero." I can't explain it; I just felt the need to kiss her. I grabbed her by the waist and pulled her close to me, right into a kiss. Gene cheered, and Mira clapped and squealed excitedly. Jaz pulled away. "FINALLY"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She smiled. "It's supposed to mean that you're not very aggressive"

I kissed her again. "Aggressive enough for you?"

"Not quite…" She smiled at me and pressed her forehead to mine.

Mira's trainer chuckled quietly. "AHEM."

I blushed and scratched the back of my neck. "Sorry."

He smiled and said "Here's her ball… Take good care of her, alright? I considered her father my brother, and her mother my sister. They'd haunt me forever if something happened to her."

"Don't worry, most people can't beat a Gallade, thugs included."

He smiled and clasped my shoulder, then pressed a Pokéball into my hand. "Just take good care of her, alright?"

"Alright."

He looked at his watch. "And I have to go. Goodbye, Mira. See you again, someday."

She nodded hugged him. "Goodbye, uncle Kris… What's your last name? So we can look you up in a phonebook, you know?"

He smiled and touched the side of his nose. "It's Kringle. Kris Kringle."

Mind blown… "Holy-" He cut me off with a laugh, then disappeared.

Jaz looked at me, then at Mira, then at Gene. "Did that just happen?"

Gene nodded. "It did."

I gaped. "And we thought that the bastard was fake…"

Mira laughed. "He is, that's a joke we used to play all the time… Just… Not that way, it was so I'd know what to call him, or whatever…" She started to tear up, and I pushed Gene closer to her- she immediately latched onto him, and he looked confused.

I facepalmed and hissed "Hold her, stupid!"

Jaz giggled and said "That was a little much."

"Maybe, but that doesn't matter." She raised an eyebrow and ran a hand aver my shoulder, then down towards my wrist. She stopped when her fingers brushed against my combat knife.

"What's this?"

"Nothing…"

"Don't lie to your girlfriend, sweetie."

"That's my knife."

"Why do you have a knife?"

"So I can cut things."

"And?"

"…Shave?"

"I'll accept that."

"Does that mean I've got to shave?"

"How don't you have any facial hair?"

"Usually, Chimchar singes it off at least once a week, I haven't shaved in forever."

She laughed. "I still haven't met her."

I had promised to release her. "Alright then… GO, CHIMCHAR!"

The small orange monkey appeared, and I released Riolu as well. Chimchar noticed him and jumped on him, hugging him tightly. He blushed, and Jaz and I exchanged glances.

Riolu stood and hugged her. "Ri olu lu Riolu!"

"Char, Chimchar chim?"

"Riolu, ri ri!"

Jaz smiled and put her head on my shoulder. "That's so cute!"

"What?"

She smiled and kissed me on the cheek. "Riolu's a love machine."

I chuckled. "He's just a chick-magnet."

Mire laughed and licked Gene's face with the mouth on the back of her head. "He's like Fabio, but not old."

Gene laughed, and I asked "Mira, what made you actually look at Gene? Be honest, I've got a feeling…"

She smiled. "The cute little Riolu on his shoulder."

Riolu heard this. "Riolu ri olu lu ri Riolu!" He jumped on her shoulder and hugged her, flattered or some such business.

Mira smiled and said "He's so _cute_!"

"Please don't encourage him."

She smiled evilly. "I'm going to, just so you'll be mad."

**(((())))(((())))(((())))(((())))**

**Christmas Morning**

I smiled as Jaz and I watched Riolu struggle to open his present, and Gene extended a blade. "Riolu ri ri!"

Gene nodded "What's the point of having swords on my arms if I can't use them?"

I smiled. "Looking badass?"

Jaz laughed and said "He's too fat to look badass."

Mira laughed. "He's not too fat to give me an early Christmas present."

Gene went red. "That's a little too much information for them, and the little ones."

Mira smiled. "So, Jazzy-girl, has yours given you the gift that keeps on giving yet?"

Jaz was so red that I thought she would die from the lack of blood to the rest of her body, and I asked "You okay? You look like your face is gonna explode."

Mira was laughing her ass off, and Riolu asked "Why haven't you and Jasmine had sex yet?"

Even I laughed at that. Somehow, Gene managed to say "Mira's corrupting the youth! EXECUTE OPERATION HEMLOCK"

Mira pressed her moist other lips to his face, and he kissed them. **(I just realized how dirty that sounded; then added moist to make it better :3)** He flushed as she said "It's not just the youth. MWAHAHAHAHA!"

Jaz feigned swooning and collapsed onto my lap. I smiled evilly. "Best. Present. EVER."

She blushed and whipped me with her hair. "You dirty boy."

Mira laughed. "No, he's _your _dirty boy. You understand? You make sure he's staying with you, and he'll do the same… Besides, he's the one who has my ball, and I intend to stay with Gene."

Jaz blushed, and I took the time to look at my surroundings; we were in a clearing in Eterna Forest, and I was planning to train a little for the battle against Gardenia. The trees were lush and green, and everything seemed alive- ironically, this is one of the few places in Sinnoh that doesn't get snow at all, and here we are celebrating Christmas. Fuckin' brilliant… Jaz smiled and put her forehead to mine, startling me out of my pondering.

She giggled. "Whatcha thinkin about?"

I chuckled. "Just that we're in the one damn place in Sinnoh that it doesn't snow, celebrating Christmas."

She laughed and said "We're cold enough as is. My ice type and Gene's cold personality…"

"Hey!"

She laughed and Mira said "It's true, he's cold. Just look at him… Evil bastard." We all looked at him.

Riolu squealed in excitement. "I AM THE MASTER!" I looked at him and noticed that he'd managed to open his present.

Chimchar laughed and looked curiously at me. I smiled "You're clever, your gift _is _fireproof." She spewed flame on her gift, and the lump of charcoal was revealed.

Jaz punched me in the arm. "You got her _coal_!"

"She asked for it." Chimchar nodded and picked up the lump of coal, then ate it. I looked around. "Is that how they use it?"

Gene chuckled. "Actually, yes. It's got supplements or something in it, and it's permanently stored in their bodies. Fire types are weird like that."

I shrugged, and Chimchar shouted "CHIMCHAR! Chim chim char Chimchar!" She started glowing, and Riolu danced excitedly around her, wearing his new Expert Belt like it was a headband, and reminding me of Rambo.

"!" When the light faded, the form of a Monferno was before us.

I frowned. "Monferno, you look… Man-ish…"

Jaz giggled and pulled a bow from out of her bag, then tied it around Monferno's neck. "So _cute_!" Monferno growled, and her tail flame got slightly larger.

Mira frowned and said "I know! It's her fur, it's all sticking out!" She grabbed Monferno and hugged her, then pressed her fur down..

Riolu's nose started bleeding. I laughed and said "I thought that only happened in cartoons and stuff!"

Jaz's only words were "She has boobs? Since when do Monferno have boobs?"

Glaceon didn't even pay attention, and Gene helped put her new collar on her. "How's that, Glaceon?"

Glaceon jumped on his lap and curled up. Mira frowned at her. "Don't get any ideas, sister"

Jaz and I both facepalmed, and Riolu's nose stopped bleeding long enough for Monferno to hug him and say "Monferno! Mon no Ferno!" He blushed and tried to push away from her, and his legs were pushing his waist away from hers, as far as they possibly could. She looked down, then immediately blushed.

"Riolu ri ri olu lu Riolu!" He kept struggling as I realized what he'd said, and I nodded at an apprehensive Monferno.

"Ferno." She kissed him, and he stopped struggling. She smiled and said "Mon ferno, Monferno mon no Monferno." She turned and wiggled her hips in his face, and all of his inhibitions were out the window. They left into the forest.

"PEACE!"

**FELIZ NAVIDAD! Merry Christmas, blah-blah blah!**

**Arcane-Boomeus**


	2. Understanding

**Disclaimer: I don't own Pokémon, Nintendo, Game Freak, or The Pokémon Company. However; I do own my characters and their personalities.**

Chapter 2: Understanding

I frowned at the man. He was pointing a gun at Jaz, and slowly walking forward. "If any of you move, I'll kill her. Understand?" He seemed to be slurring his words a bit, and I thought back to aunt Maylene's lessons.

"_Brett. You've learned how to take people down, hand-to-hand, but do you know what to do when they're armed?"_

_I looked into her eyes. "No"_

_She smiled and pulled a rubber gun, then held it like she was aiming at me. "See this? Imagine that it's a gun, pointed at you and ready to kill you. This is where Kempo shines. Ignore the gun, or knife, or whatever the hell they have. Strike soft tissue; the throat, stomach, genitals, and eyes being the ideal targets."_

"_Okay…"_

_She grinned and continued "You make them come closer. When they're close enough, strike. When you bust a guy's balls, he's gonna drop his gun, see? Then you take them down and wail away, break wrists and knees, and the like."_

_I nodded. "Okay." _

_Maylene smiled and bent over, coming to be level with me. "Trust me, this will potentially save your future girlfriend's life." I blushed, and she said "I saved Candice's life with it, if you need proof. Ask her sometime."_

_I nodded. "Thanks auntie Maylene."_

I allowed my muscles to relax. The man looked at me and said "Get on your knees."

Gene looked curiously at me, apparently sensing my sudden calmness. I got on my knees, and the man stuck the gun into Jaz's stomach. I frowned. "I wouldn't do that if I were you!"

He spun around, and I punched him in the throat. He dropped the gun, and I kicked him in the crotch. "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

He doubled over in pain. "Don't fuck with my friends!" I slammed his face onto my knee, and blood spurted everywhere with a sickening _'CRACK'_. I threw him to the ground and sat on his chest, punching him in his temples. "And _**DO NOT**_ fuck with my girlfriend!" I watched as he faded from awareness, and looked at a frightened Jaz.

I pulled her into an embrace, and said "It's okay, you're safe. You're safe now. I'm here…"

"Brett?..."

"Yes?"

"I love you."

I smiled and kissed her. "I love you too, Jaz… Are you okay? Did he hurt you?"

She shook her head. "I'm fine."

Gene and Mira walked over, three smiles between them. Gene smiled. "So, _lovebirds_. What are we gonna do now?"

We walked away from the man, and Mira laughed. "Took you two long enough."

I stuck my tongue out at her. "Fighting is super effective to steel, in case you forgot."

Jaz giggled and kissed me. "Calm down, Jojo."

"Jojo?"

"From _'Horton Hears a Who._' I just realized that you're exactly like him."

"Jesus Christ."

She smiled and poked me on the nose. "No, Jojo."

"Maybe I _did_ kill him, and this is karma…"

Gene laughed. "Okay, Jojo. I think you're just grumpy."

Mira laughed. "Don't be jerks! He just saved all of our lives, and you're making fun of him. What if, next time, he decides to let us all die first? What then?"

Jaz giggled. "I'm a ghost."

Gene shrugged. "I know Barrier."

Mira frowned. "What about me?"

Gene chuckled. "You're a steel type. Bullets just… _DIE_ when they hit you."

I laughed. "She's right. You should be nicer to me."

Jaz kissed me on the cheek. "It's okay, Jojo. I still love you ."

I sighed, and Gene said "It doesn't really matter how bulletproof we are, cause he'd just rip us in half anyways."

Mira smiled. "Eterna City Gym. Let's do this." She smiled, and I realized that she was the same height as Gene, an average-sized Gallade.

"Mira? Aren't Mawile supposed to be like three feet tall?"

She laughed. "I'm surprised you realized that. My dad was an above-average height Aggron."

I smiled. "Awesome… You ready to whoop some ass?" She nodded, and I released Monferno, Glaceon, and Riolu. "You guys ready to win?"

"Riolu! Ri ri!"

"Glaceon glace."

"Mon fer. Fer NO!"

Mira shrugged and shouted "_Hell_ yes!"

I facepalmed. "Mira, do you know Fire Fang?"

"Of course. And Ice Fang, too."

Gene kissed her and placed a hand on her forehead. "Good luck."

She giggled. "Thanks sweetie."

Jaz and I exchanged glances. "Gene, what'd you do?"

Mira giggled and struck a fighting pose, then said "You'll see."

I sighed. "Whatever, let's go."

**((()))((()))((()))((()))((()))((()))((()))**

I smiled. "Alright Monferno. Let's kick some ass."

Gardenia laughed. "What a cute little Monferno! Go, Turtwig!"

She sent forth a little plant-turtle-thing. "Twig, Turtwig!"

"Monferno, kindly end it quickly. Flame Wheel!" She transformed into a whirling ball of flame, crashing into the turtle thing.

It didn't even budge. Gardenia laughed. "Turtwig, use Mud Bomb"

"Dodge!" Monferno barely managed to escape the small explosion of mud. "Alright, now use a combo Bullet Punch and Fire Punch!" Monferno flew forward, unleashing a flurry of flaming fists.

"Twig!" The turtle yelped in pain.

"Monferno, use Fire Fang!" She pit down on his leg, and it fell over.

"Good job, Turtwig. You fought well." She recalled the turtle. "I'm impressed. But this won't be easy. GO BELLSPROUT!"

I raised an eyebrow. "Monferno, use Flamethrower." She spewed flame at the plant, kicking up a lot of smoke in the process.

"Bell, Bell sprout!" 

It wasn't even hurt. "DAMN! Monferno, use-"

"Bellsprout, use Hyper Beam." A harsh blue and purple blast impacted Monferno, knocking her out on contact.

"Holy shit…" I recalled Monferno. "Good job, girl… GO GLACEON!"

"Glaceon glace! Eon!"

"Glaceon, teach this thing a lesson. Let's try PermaFrost!"

Glaceon nodded and faced the Bellsprout. She started forming her Blizzard and Water Sport combo, then fired- first dousing the plant, then freezing it solid. "Glaceon glace, Glaceon eon." **(Keep the pimp hand strong, amirite? Lulz)**

"Wooohooooooo! THAT WAS AWESOME!"

Gardenia smiled. "You're quite interesting, you actually have tactics? That is very rare these days… Last trainer I battled who was like that is champion of all four major regions. Go, Roserade!"

The flower child smiled at me. "Rade, Roserade."

"Glaceon, do you think you can handle him?"

She nodded. "Glaceon eon, glace!"

"Alright then! Let's try a Blizzard attack, combo with Swift!"

She nodded and formed a Swift, then launched a Blizzard, causing the Swift stars to freeze. They impacted the Roserade, who smiled. "Rade." Yellow spores floated into Glaceon's nostrils, and she passed out.

"Alright, be that way. Go, Mira!" Mira smiled as she appeared on the field. "Lead with a Fire Fang!" Her back jaw started glowing orange, and she smacked the Roserade with it. He laughed and slapped her with some vines from the ground, and she shrugged- they had almost no effect on her.

"Alright you little green bastard, time to lose!" She charged at him, and he leapt over her, kicking her in the head. She fell down and started crying. "Why did you have to be so meaaannnnnnn?"

He looked ashamed of himself, and said "Roserade, rade rose."

She looked up and wiped her eyes. "Thanks." She disappeared, then reappeared behind him, clamping him in her jaws and throwing him thirty feet. She then blasted him with a Flamethrower.

Gardenia and I exchanged glances, and she asked "Did you teach her that?" I shook my head, too shocked to speak. She nodded and walked to me, handing me the badge. "That was brutal…"

I frowned. "I'm kind of scared now…"

"Me too. Just get her Gallade boyfriend to distract her long enough for us to run!" She laughed, and I looked at her curiously. She smiled. "What? Gym leaders can't have emotions?"

I frowned. "Candice and Maylene always said you were crabby"

She laughed. "Maylene broke my nose when we were playing basketball, and Candice almost froze it off afterwards! How could I not be mad at them?"

I chuckled. "Sounds like them…"

She smiled. "You're Candice's nephew, aren't you?"

I nodded. "The one and only."

"You have a brother."

"Yeah, but he's an asshole."

She smiled. "And your girlfriend has really cool hair."

"Uhm… Thanks?"

She laughed. "She's really down to earth, isn't she?"

"What makes you say that?"

"You're clueless."

"And?"

Jaz walked up, and Gardenia said "I like your hair."

"Thank you! I like your boots and shawl look."

"What's a shawl?"

Both of them facepalmed, and Gene said "Don't even ask, it's the best way. Trust me."

I shrugged. "I'll take your word for it."

Mira giggled. "How'd I do?"

I frowned. "You're evil."

She blushed. "You flatter me."

Gene kissed her, then said "She's my evil queen."

I facepalmed. "I'm the only sane person here."

Jaz grabbed me from behind, giggling. "You're not sane at all, and you know it."

I kissed her on the cheek, then spun around so I was holding her. "Well, beautiful, you drive me crazy, what with your beauty and grace."

She blushed, and Gardenia said "You're nothing like your father."

I chuckled. "Thanks."

She laughed and said "No, I mean your mannerisms. You're being all romantic and stuff, whereas your dad was just an asshole."

Jaz kissed me and said "You _can_ be quite romantic."

"You _are_ quite beautiful."

Gardenia giggled. "That's so sweet!"

Gene laughed and said "Yeah, they tend to be like that."

Gardenia facepalmed. "I know you two! You battled me a few days ago! I knew you looked familiar!"

Gene smiled. "You're just used to seeing us single."

"And kicking my ass."

Jaz smiled. "We actually had the same conversation last time, you complimented my hair and I your boots and shawl."

I laughed. "This is odd."

Gardenia laughed and Gene said "Sorry my girlfriend tore you up."

Mira blushed. "It was nothing."

I facepalmed as Gardenia said "That was scary, I thought you'd kill Roserade."

Jaz smiled. "You seem to attract awesomeness."

I shrugged. "Or evil."

Everyone glared at me. "HEY!"

I frowned- it was happening again, and I felt like killing everyone I saw. "Oh shit." I looked around, then pointed at the ceiling. "HOLY SHIT, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?" They all looked up, and I hauled ass.

"GET BACK HERE!"

A few minutes later, Jaz appeared in front of me. "If you're running away from me, I'm gonna freeze you solid."

"…Not from _you_…"

"Good. LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOO!" 

After running for several minutes, I was out of breath on the side of the road. Jaz giggled. "Being half Pokémon has its advantages… Why are we running, again?"

"Do YOU want to deal with Mira when she's angry? You saw her playing around before, she'd easily kill us both."

"I see… So we should make sure she's happy when they catch us?"

"Yeah… I hope they're not mad at me."

She smiled. "Let's find out." She pulled the two Pokéballs off of her belt, and I realized that she had Mira's.

"You are so pretty when you're tricking me… I mean, CRAZY BITCH!"

She laughed. "You're so cute when you're fawning over me."

"I was not fawning over you!"

She frowned. "What's with your eyes? They just… Brett, do you get occasional flashes of uncontrollable rage?"

I looked at her, confused. "How did you guess that?"

She shrugged "Your eyes… The right is usually a bit lighter than the left. But it flashed black as pitch... There's something known as 'The Darkness'; it's a rare 'gift', not much is known about it… Several notable people are said to have had-or to have it. Some 'Arcane' guy, he's a special forces… Thing…"

_I frowned. I couldn't move, even speak. "What the hell is this?" _

_A voice spoke, from inside of my head. "Greetings, new one."_

"_Who the hell are you?" The world faded, replaced with what seemed to be eternal darkness._

"_I am known as Death. The Grim Reaper." Fear swept over me. The voice laughed. "No, I do not take you from this life. I am to instruct you in the ways of The Darkness."_

"_What is this 'Darkness', anyways?"_

_The voice chuckled "It is a manifestation of negative energy, in the form of a sort of, in laymen's terms, 'beast mode'. Oh God, that sounded so cheesy…"_

_I chuckled. "More like 'interwebz speak'. But, why don't they have somebody else to teach me? Aren't you, like, busy?"_

"_You'd be surprised… But I'm teaching you because you're important. Very important…"_

"_How am I important?"_

"_I can't tell you that, it'd ruin my fun."_

"_What will you teach me?"_

"_You will find small black obelisks like the one you inadvertently sat on. I will teach you each time you find one. But most have guardians. As a matter of fact, all but this one do."_

"_What will you teach me this time?"_

"_One of three powerful abilities. Dark Fire. Black Lightning. Aura Sphere. Which of these would you like to learn?"_

"_Black Lightning… Sounds badass, let's go with that."_

"_Good choice. Raise your hand, and open it, so I can see your palm."_

"… _Okay…" I did as he said._

"_Let's see… Lightning. Ah, here it is." A wicked lightning bolt pattern appeared on my palm, and he said "That looks so cool… Alright, adjust our aim slightly to the left."_

"_Why?"_

"_You don't want to fry your girlfriend, do you?"_

"_Oh…" I did as he said._

"_Now, decide on a word or phrase you will use to activate this ability. Upon saying it, the mark on your palm will shine silver, and you will be able to use the power as you wish."_

"_Alright… How about…" My thoughts flashed back to Star Wars, and the Emperor. "Then DIE!" I chuckled. "How about 'die'? Like Star Wars?"_

"_Jesus, you chose well. THE FATE OF THE WORLD DEPENDS ON SOME NERD!"_

"_Hey! Asshole!"_

"_What are you gonna do? You can't even see me."_

"_DIE!" I scowled and tried to shoot lightning. "Maybe it's like Spiderman…" I did the different hand gestures, then flipped the void off. Lightning arced out, passing over my shoulder. "You gotta be fuckin' kidding me."_

"_I am."_

"_AH!"_

"_Hee hee… I locked it out, for all but that. Just to see your reaction… And it was great! Oh, I've got an appointment… KTHANKSBAI!"_

**((()))((()))((()))((()))((()))((()))((()))**

I snapped back to reality, and saw that I'd sat on a black stone… "Jasmine?"

"You just shot lightning from your hand, you realize that?"

I shrugged. "Yeah. It's cool, it's cool."

"You're telling me! You shot black lightning from your hand!"

"I know…" I grabbed her and kissed her, holding her close to me. "I love you…"

She giggled. "I love you too… But that was really random."

"So was shooting fucking lightning!"

"Touché."

She smiled and released Mira and Gene. Mira hugged me. "I know I'm awesome, but you don't have to run from me!"

Gene laughed. "She's a catch, isn't she? A crazy, psycho catch."

I nodded. "I can agree with that one."

Jaz laughed. "Don't piss him off. He shoots lightning."

Gene and Mira exchanged glances. "I don't believe you."

Mira shrugged. "Try and do it again."

Jaz nodded, and I turned towards a tree. "Die." I flexed a muscle I didn't realize I had, and released a bolt of lightning, setting the tree aflame.

My phone rang. I picked it up. "Hello?"

"I heard you told Gardenia that we said she was crabby."

I chuckled "Coming from the one who used me to pick up chicks!"

She laughed. "I got Maylene! And that bib was cute as hell!"

I chuckled. "My aunt is hot. And single." I sighed. "And then Maylene crossed out 'and single', so I had a bib that said "My aunt is hot." Great way to scare a boy for life."

She laughed. "Your girlfriend doesn't seem to mind."

"Is there anything Gardenia didn't tell you?"

"She didn't tell me about Mira kicking Roserade's ass!"

I facepalmed. "I'm so confused."

She laughed. "She didn't tell me. She told Maylene."

"Auntie Candice, you're a pain in my ass."

"Don't complain! I'm hooking you up with a map!"

"For what?"

"Die."

"Huh? Oh my God, I swear you know everything."

She giggled. "My favorite song is 'Electric Eye'. **(AKA The Hellion. That's right, you Arcane fans. Judas Priest FTW!)** And the lyrics are perfection." She giggled again.

"Can I talk to Maylene?"

"I see how it is… BABE!"

Maylene giggled. "Coming! BRETT!"

"Hey. How does Candice know everything?"

She giggled. "When I ask, her explanation is always related to Judas Priest."

"Same here."

Maylene giggled. "Your girlfriend is HOT!"

"Actually, she's cold. Freezing."

"Haha, Froslass jokes. Candice would beat your ass for that."

"WHAT DID HE SAY?"

Maylene laughed. "That his girlfriend said you're pretty."

I laughed. "Jaz, come over here and tell my aunt she's pretty. Before she hurts me."

"Maylene? She is pretty."

"No, Candice."

"Candice is more of the cute type… You're scared of Candice?"

"Yeah, she'll just have her Froslass murder me. And let her rape my dead body."

She smiled. "Hey, this Froslass has dibs!"

I blushed. "So you're fighting over me now, huh?"

She frowned. "How long has it been since you let Riolu, Monferno, and Glaceon out?"

I frowned. "Shit…"

Jaz giggled and said "Oh my God. Hi Maylene! I LOVE your hair."

They talked on the phone, and Mira said "I'll snatch Riolu, and Monferno and Glaceon probably won't care."

I nodded "You're a life-saver."

I released them, and as Riolu attacked me, Mira snatched him in her second mouth. "Tastes like chicken…"

"GLACEON GLACE! EON EON! GLACEON!" She leapt onto my shoulder and nibbled at my ear angrily.

"OW! STOP THAT!"

"GLACEON GLACE!" She clawed at my face.

Monferno laughed. "Ferno, mon Monferno. No."

Glaceon purred submissively. "Glaceon glace."

"It's okay girl. I still love ya."

Jaz laughed and said "Candice, you're beautiful! Don't let that asshole tell you otherwise!"

I chuckled as Mira said "Riolu, if you keep struggling, I'm gonna Hyper Beam Monferno." He went limp.

Monferno blushed. "Mon. Monferno!"

I scooped her up and said "She's keeping him from mauling me."

"Monferno?"

"Yeah. He's harmless, and you're not a pyro. If you go more than a week without setting something on fire when you're not told to, I'll believe you."

"…NO!"

I frowned. "Was that English, or your name?"

"No."

"FUUUUUUU-" I cut myself off before I got a _'What's that mean?'_ from Riolu.

"Monferno?"

I sighed "Okay, you're just saying your name…" 

Monferno scratched her chin. "No… Monferno? Mon… Fer… No… That's my name. Why…?"

I yelped "Ho-ly shit…"

She frowned "I'm confused…"

I chucked and hugged her. "You can talk!"

"I'm not doing anything different from before."

Glaceon pawed at my ear. "Monferno? What's this black mark behind his ear mean?"

"_Sorry about that. I had to use Confuse Ray to distract you while I added another ability."_

I smiled. "Mira, say something. Not in English."

"Okay. Why?"

I smiled. "Was that English?"

She frowned. "No… Why?"

"Because I understood it."

She grinned. "How? You don't even understand Glaceon all of the time."

"No. I heard it as if it was English."

Glaceon giggled. "Really?"

"Yup."

Jaz nodded. "I hear you loud and clear. Bye!"

She closed the phone and slipped it into my pocket. I smiled. "Happy New Year?"

She giggled and kissed me, ignoring Glaceon's mewls of annoyance. "Happy New Year indeed…"

Riolu smiled. "Does this mean I've don't have to learn more English?"

Glaceon pawed at my ear as I replied "No, you've mastered speaking it. Now you've got to read and write."

He sighed and hopped onto Gene's shoulder, where Mira scratched between his ears. Glaceon giggled. "Master, I love you."

I froze. "What?"

Jaz frowned. "What?"

Glaceon hissed. "Not like that! He's like my brother, freaks!"

I sighed in relief and Monferno said "That could have been either really awkward, or really hot…"

"Oh, Monferno? When you and Riolu went into the forest, did you…?"

She blushed. "No, he's not ready for that yet, and neither am I."

"Just wanted to know the relationship status of my team members."

She saluted. "Yes sir."

I laughed. "At ease, soldier"

Jaz giggled. "I love you, no matter how lightning-y or crazy you are…"

I laughed. "I love you too…"

Mira smiled. "I'm jealous, I wish I could shoot lightning…"

**That be chapter 2, mateys! Arrr!**

**No idea why I did the pirate thing, just felt like it…**

**Arcane-Boomeus**


End file.
